Gnaur

Take what you can get.
And get away as long as you still can take it.

I once had a dinner for two
the candles grew dimmer and you
were pretty, yet airy
I called you a fairy
the problem was: hence it was true.

For you, I would do everything. I would even… er schaut mit seinem Blick, seinen weit geöffneten Augen von unten auf, yes, I would even change myself – und er stockt für einen Lidschlag – as far as I am defined, that is. More or less, sagte er, more or less I am a floating, living though, yet an undefined soul in an ocean of undecidedness. From time to time, however, there is a spot of concreteness, something I can grasp hold on, one thing that reminds me of myself. Seine Augen blinzeln nicht. I do know what I want. In this moment, in this second. It is, forgive my bluntness, it is you.

Ihr Blick liegt ruhig in seinen Augen, in seinem flackernden Ich. I would define myself for you. Through you, yes, I admit, yet not on you. I come to an existence through you, for you, with you. If you will. Sein Atem geht schnell. Ihr Blick liegt in seinen großen Augen. Er schweigt und sein Atem beruhigt sich langsam. Sie fragt sich, was er gedacht hat, weiß es, und warum er es nicht ausgesprochen hat. Er auch. Die Wellen der Unentschiedenheit schlagen unhörbar über ihnen zusammen.

The pretty little story of the goldfish Goldie who lived in a nice little 500-liter-tank next to the cornerstore of an old Chinese man who had been trading illegal Sushi for the illegal Japanese workers in town via Nowgorod, Saint-Petersburg, and Kowloon, and who used to hide the contraband inside Goldies tank every time after weary time before he finally got caught; this story of Goldie who decided that an ugly old tank would not suit his golden future dreams and of the very same Goldie who began starting to preparing to going outside, stepping into the unknown, exploring the next valley and the great, green forests, the fluffy clouds and the little sparkling stars, is pretty short.

To be quite frank, he didn’t die of suffocation, he wasn’t overrun by a car, not eaten by any beast, he survived the greenhouse-effect without any complaint or the faintest sign of indisposition, nor did he end up as Sushi. Also, Goldie didn’t die in the forest, not in the valley nor in the clouds and most prominently not in the little, sparkling stars. However, he died. Heart attack. It looks as if it spared him many potential complications.